


Whole Again

by vix_spes



Series: Even Broken Things Deserve To Be Loved [2]
Category: Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, Jagten | The Hunt (2012), Shooting Dogs (2005)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hannibal Extended Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 11:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13030239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: Two years into their relationship, one decision almost succeeds in tearing Joe and Lucas apart.





	Whole Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HotSauce418](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotSauce418/gifts).



> When I wrote the first part of this series, the delightful Hotty made me a [wonderful inspiration video](https://hotsauce418.tumblr.com/post/165321849347/lucas-the-hunt-x-joe-connor-beyond-the-gates-joe) that I desperately wanted to incorporate into the fic but couldn't ... and so this was born! Huge thanks to Fluegelschatten for the beta.

It was the early hours of the morning when the sound of the phone ringing broke the silence and startled Lucas from his sleep. In theory, he knew that he had been in bed for several hours - long enough to get a decent amount of sleep - but sleep, a true and deep sleep, had been somewhat elusive since Joe's departure. It was too early in the morning for it to be Marcus or Brunn, more so as he'd only spoken to them hours earlier, which left one option; Joe. He didn't bother to put on his glasses or turn on the light, fumbling with the phone as a result and knocking it to the floor. Cursing under his breath, he just managed to answer it before his voicemail service kicked in.

“Hello?”

For several long minutes there was nothing but an ominous silence and, just for a millisecond, a small part of Lucas was tempted to hang up and attempt to get back to sleep but then he heard that most beloved voice.

“Lucas?

It was a bad line, crackling disturbing the connection, but he could hear Joe’s voice, however disjointed the words were.

“Joe? Joe, where _are_ you?” The relief that Lucas felt was almost overwhelming and he could feel his eyes sting with tears. Contact with Joe had been intermittent to say the least over the last few weeks and Lucas had been in a state of permanent distraction from the moment that Joe had gotten on the plane. He heard Joe's rambling that the village he'd been teaching in had been attacked by insurgents and that any communications had been almost impossible, that they were now in a refugee camp and that someone from the UN had helped him to get in touch. Joe's voice was small and there was a tearful edge to it as he apologised over and over again, begging for Lucas’ forgiveness and asking if he was angry with him. It reminded Lucas that his boyfriend was not yet thirty, but he had already seen so much and, what little anger remained melted away.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Lucas closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. “No, of course I’m not angry.”

He had been, when Joe first talked about going away, wanting to spend his summer holidays teaching in a war-torn country. He had admired Joe's courage and his desire to help but he hated that Joe was willing to put himself in danger - again - and that he was happy to leave Lucas behind in doing so. It had made Lucas doubt their relationship for the first time in two years. The doubt had manifested as anger and that anger had lingered, sadly, until Joe had left. Their farewell had been far from fond, albeit more stilted than acrimonious and Lucas regretted that more than anything. He had been unable to shake the image of Joe just staring at him from the hire car that was to take him to the airport, the expression on Joe’s face haunting his dreams for days. They had both apologised once Joe had reached his destination, but it wasn’t the same. Lucas just wanted to be able to hold Joe in his arms, wanted to be able to kiss him and not let him go ever go again.

“Just come home. _Please._ ”

It was even harder to make sense of Joe's words between the bad line and the way that his voice hitched and broke due to the intensity of his sobs but, even so, Lucas understood what Joe was saying. “Yes, yes, I promise. I'm coming home, Lucas. I'll tell them to make the arrangements.”

Lucas heard very little of what Joe said beyond that, if indeed he said anything at all; the line had deteriorated even further, and Lucas was too deliriously happy at the knowledge that Joe was going to be coming home. This time, the tears slid down his face instead of merely stinging his eyes as he let out a shaky breath.

He was coming home. Joe was coming home. 

_***FLASHBACK***_

Shell-shocked was probably the best word to describe how Lucas was feeling. He ran a hand through his hair as he attempted to collect his thoughts, tried to process the words that he had just heard.

The words that Joe had just uttered were the last that Lucas had expected to hear. The summer term was always particularly stressful, what with all of the exams going on, and, even though they lived together, Lucas felt as though he had barely seen his lover over the last few weeks. So, when Joe had said that he wanted to discuss the upcoming summer holidays, Lucas had leapt at the opportunity. After all, he had plenty of ideas; half-baked plots of travelling across Europe, idle daydreams of Italy for a combination of culture and beaches where he could ogle his younger partner in an assortment of small swimwear. Maybe even spending some time with Marcus, if both his son and his lover were amenable - they'd met each other before and had appeared to get on well but maybe a holiday went too far. The one continuous theme in Lucas’ plans had been that, wherever they were, they were together, and they were relaxing. Instead, he had been blindsided by the news that Joe wanted to spend the summer apart and, not just that, but in a country, that was far from safe besides.

“I wouldn’t be gone long.” Joe's voice was faltering, realising that Lucas was far from enthusiastic.

Lucas swallowed thickly, doing his utmost to remain calm. Anger wasn't going to do any good in this particular situation, regardless of the fact that it was already simmering beneath the surface.

“No, I would never agree to this. You barely survived the last time. I’m sorry.” Lucas hated the look of disappointment in Joe's eyes at his words, but he couldn't agree to it. How could he? How could Joe think he would? Did he not know Lucas at all?

“But, Lucas…”

“Joe, I'm sorry but how could you think that I would approve of this. We’d been dating for two months before you admitted that you regularly suffered from nightmares; they’re clearly a manifestation of your PTSD, even if you will not admit to it. Even now you are not completely free of them and, yet you want to venture into another country torn apart by war?”

“They're crying out for teachers over there, Lucas. They need me.”

“You're needed here. Your students need you. _I_ need you.”

“But…”

Lucas shook his head sadly. “But that isn't enough for you. _I'm_ not enough for you; you will go anyway.”

“Lucas….”

Joe's tone was pleading but Lucas merely shook his head. He couldn't listen to this. For the first time since he had moved to Switzerland, he felt hurt; the kind of hurt that cuts bone deep. Not how he had felt when he had been accused, when everyone had turned against him, but close. He loved Joe with all his heart, loved him more than any other lover in his past, and he had thought that Joe loved him. That wasn't to say that he thought Joe didn't love him, he just wasn't sure if he loved him enough.

Advertising for English speaking teachers wasn't unusual in the location that Joe wanted to venture to; in fact, while it couldn't be described as a surge, there had definitely been an upswing in the number of jobs advertised. However, that hadn't necessarily been matched by an upswing in applications. All of the adverts warned that the country still wasn't completely stable and that any teachers taking up posts did so at their own risk. That risk could be anything from issues that could arise due to the differences in culture to frequent rocket attacks. There were also reports of Westerners being taken hostage and even killed.

And that was what Lucas couldn't understand, why Joe wanted to go somewhere where there was a very real possibility that not only him, but his students could be targeted. Lucas hadn't been lying when he had said that Joe still suffered as a result of his experiences in Rwanda. While they were by no means as frequent as they had been when Joe and Lucas got together, Joe still suffered intermittently from night terrors and the slightest memory could have him frozen in place, sending him back to another time and another place. The two of them weren't completely healed but they had spent an awfully long time putting the pieces back together where both of them were concerned and Lucas was genuinely worried that, by going back to another war-torn country where he would get attached to students that could be snatched away in a second, all of the progress that they had made would be undone.

“No. I'm sorry, Joe, but I cannot approve of this. The thought of you willingly going into such a situation.” Lucas had to swallow quickly as his stomach threatened to revolt. “I'm going out; I need fresh air to think.”

  _***END FLASHBACK***_

Ten days after the phone call where Joe had promised that he would come home, Lucas found himself waiting anxiously at the airport. He'd had confirmation of the flight that Joe was booked on and all of the boards said that it was on time but the one thing that he wasn't sure of was whether Joe was actually on board or not. The time since he had spoken to Joe seemed to have gone by like lightning, with Lucas doing his best to ensure that all of his preparations for the new school year were complete so that he could spend all of his time with Joe. The school had been incredibly understanding and had said that they were prepared to cover Joe's lessons at the beginning of term if he wasn't able to teach, even offering to cover Lucas’ classes so that he could stay with Joe if need be. Lucas had thanked them for the offer and promised to keep them updated as he had no way of judging whether it would be needed or not until Joe was actually back in Switzerland.

And then the boards updated, and Joe's flight ticked over from ‘on time’ to ‘landed’ and this was it. Lucas stood in his spot in arrivals, surrounded by others awaiting the return of their loved ones, eyes fixed on the door that he hoped Joe would emerge from. His hands were clammy with sweat and his heart was hammering so hard that it felt as though it was going to burst from his chest.

It was an agonising thirty-minute wait as passengers collected their luggage and moved through customs before arrivals started to fill up. All around him were scenes of joyful reunion; husbands, wives, partners, children, friends and he couldn't help but smile, even though his heart have a twinge every single time the door from arrivals opened and there was no sign of Joe. The crush of people lasted for about twenty-five minutes before it started to calm down, leaving just a few stragglers coming through the swing doors and still no sign of Joe. Feeling completely and utterly downhearted, Lucas wondered whether he should wait around for much longer. Maybe he could go and ask at one of the information desks to see if they could tell him whether Joe had made it onto the plane at all. After that, well, maybe he should just resign himself to the fact that Joe hadn’t made the plane and wouldn’t be home today after all.

Lucas was just turning to make his way to the information desks when the door to arrivals from customs swung open again and he lingered, just on the off-chance. He was rewarded when the only person to come through the door was Joe. Lucas froze. Now that Joe was actually here, was actually back in Switzerland, Lucas was at a loss for what to do. He drank in the sight of Joe, eyes roving over him hungrily and noticing the changes that had occurred over the last few weeks. Joe had visibly lost weight, his clothes hanging just a bit baggier than usual while his cheekbones were more prominent, even from a distance. However, what struck Lucas the most was the look of uncertainty on Joe’s face.

Despite their phone call, despite the steadfastness of their relationship before Joe had gone away, Joe was truly unsure as to whether he was still welcome to Lucas and that just about broke his heart. Yes, Lucas had been hurt, yes, he had been angry. In truth, he probably still was a little of both but that didn’t detract in the slightest from the fact that Lucas still loved Joe with all of his heart. Knowing that, yet again, he was going to have to be the one to make the first move, Lucas deliberately softened his body language so that he would appear approachable to Joe, breathing a sigh of relief when Joe gave a tentative smile and started to walk towards him. As he rounded the barriers, Lucas made a decision opened his arms wide, smiling as Joe left his luggage where it was and crashed headlong into Lucas’ embrace.

Lucas wrapped his arms tightly around Joe, feeling Joe’s arms lock around his neck just as tightly. Lucas closed his eyes and drank in the wonderful feeling of having Joe in his embrace once more, feeling the empty sensation inside him disappear as he breathed in that oh so familiar scent. He could feel Joe’s tears dampening the collar of his shirt, but he didn’t care in the slightest. Joe could get tears and snot all over his clothing, but Lucas wouldn’t give a damn because he had Joe back and that was worth everything.

“Ah, min kære. Hush. It will all be alright.” Lucas pressed a kiss to Joe’s temple before easing his arms from around Lucas’ neck. Easing Joe backwards, Lucas smiled softly as he brushed the still falling tears from Joe’s eyes, leaning in to brush his lips against ones that curved up in a somewhat tremulous smile. “Welcome home, min elskede.” 

(~*~)

The trip back to their home was mostly in silence, but Joe’s hand never left Lucas’, despite the fact that Lucas had to drive. They both kept darting glances at each other, laughing a little nervously when their gazes met. Once home, Lucas went into serious mother-hen mode without a thought, preparing a quick and simple dinner that would be easy on Joe’s stomach before ushering him into a bath and finally into bed, dressed in one of Lucas’ t-shirts and a pair of boxers, just as he had been that night when he suffered from his first nightmare in Lucas’ apartment. Lucas himself changed into his pyjama pants and crossed the room to turn out the main light before rounding the bed to turn out the bedside lamp beside Joe. As he did so, Joe’s hand reached out and touched Lucas’ wrist gently.

“Don’t … don’t you want to talk?” Joe’s voice was tremulous, but he held Lucas’ gaze resolutely.

“We can talk in the morning, skat. For now, just sleep.”

“You’re staying, right?”

“Helvede, Joe. If you think that I’m letting you out of my sight for the foreseeable future, then you’re mad. I’m not going anywhere, skat. Just sleep.”

Lucas moved around the bed once more and pulled back the covers before he climbed in. there was barely a second's hesitation before Joe was across the bed and wrapped around Lucas in what had been his favourite position since that first night; curled around Lucas like a limpet with the fingers of one hand tangled into Lucas’ pelt of chest hair. For his part, Lucas was clinging to Joe just as much; one hand resting proprietarily on Joe’s hip while the other was buried in Joe’s curls, lips resting against his forehead.

Sleep was a while in coming that night but, when it did come, it was the best night’s sleep that Lucas had had for a long time. While things between them weren’t completely resolved, Lucas finally felt whole again. 

~*~

The following morning, Lucas woke feeling completely rested for the first time since before Joe had left. For a brief moment when he first woke, he had been completely out of sorts, cursing his imagination for being so cruel that he could almost feel the weight of Joe resting trustingly against him, for being surrounded with the mixed scent of himself and Joe. It all felt so real. And then he had woken up and realised that it was real. Joe was real and very much there in the bed next to Lucas. He was home. As though Joe could sense the direction of Lucas’ thoughts, he gave a - quite frankly - adorable snuffle and sleepily blinked his eyes open.

“Hmm, Lucas?”

“I’m here, skat.”

“For one terrible moment, I thought that all of this was a dream. That I wasn’t truly home with you but that I was back …” Joe swallowed heavily, “that I was back there, and we were apart, and you hated me.”

“Joe, min kære…”

“No, Lucas, I have to say you this. You have to let me say this. Please. “

Lucas was about to protest but relented upon seeing the determination on Joe’s face; the stubborn set of his jaw and furrowed brow. “Okay.”

“I have to apologise. What I did wasn’t fair to you, wasn’t fair to us. No, don’t try to argue with me. I … had a lot of time to think while I was away and my behaviour, the way that I treated you was appalling, and I can only apologise profusely. I behaved like a selfish child. I … I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I was over what happened in Rwanda, even if I knew deep down that I wasn’t. I really did want to be useful, to try and do something good but it was all a huge mistake. I knew that as soon as I got on the plane but, you know me, I’m stubborn and I had to try and see it through. However, all I wanted to do was to apologise to you, to come home to you. I’ve felt wrong the whole time that I’ve been away, being apart from you. Like there was a part of me missing.”

Joe propped himself up on his elbows so that he could look Lucas in the eye. “I know I have no right to ask this of you, not after the way that I’ve treated you, but do you think that you could find it in yourself to forgive me?”

Lucas took in what Joe had said, the words a balm to his wounded heart. He brushed a thumb across Joe’s lips, smiling as Joe pressed a quick kiss to it. “I will not lie and say that your actions did not hurt but you’re forgiven, min elskede. Just promise me, no more running off into warzones. And definitely no leaving me behind.”

“I promise.” Joe’s words were fervent, even as he pressed kisses to every inch of Lucas’ skin that he could reach. “I’m not going anywhere without you again. And no more warzones. I promise. I love you.”

Lucas rolled them over so that he was pressing Joe into the mattress, cupping his face in his hands and pressing a firm kiss to Joe’s lips, tasting salt as he did so. “Jeg elsker dig, Joe. And I’m going to hold you to that promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd prefer to comment on DW, you can do so [here](https://vix-spes.dreamwidth.org/289285.html)
> 
> If you'd like to share the Tumblr post, it can be found [here](http://vix-spes.tumblr.com/post/168598585550/whole-again-vixspes-jagten-the-hunt-2012)


End file.
